Thinking About Dad

My dad and his wife have been in a nursing home for a couple of years. It was not the way I thought it would be. But it is. My husband and I always said we would try to care for our aging parents, do the honorable thing. But then reality struck, we knew it would be a difficult task for us especially with three daughters still at home.

So once a week I travel an hour away to visit and spend time with dad. We talk about his day and depending on how his dementia is, we might discuss what he has been doing, what friend he will be meeting or how he plans to go back home soon. Dad is completely bedridden.

One day while visiting, he said, “Get my jacket,  let’s go get lunch, I’ll pay!” You see this was the typical thing my father always looked forward to each time I visited him in Aiken. He lost vision in his right eye a few years ago due to a fall, thus ending his days of driving.  We would frequent the local fast food restaurants because dad did not like waiting for his food. As we would leave a restaurant, dad would always make sure to walk around to each person and give them something. It wasn’t much but just enough to make someone’s day. I saw it over and over again as he cheerfully smiled and handed complete strangers  a small card that said in vivid colors, “Jesus and me, we love you.” Not once did I ever see a person get angry or refuse it.  What I did see was sweet smiling faces followed by a kind, “Thank-you!” It was his small way of impacting the world around him.

I remember vividly in the early years of raising my children that I would call my dad on several occasions and ask him how his day was going. Many times the reply was, “Well, I’ve  just been out visiting folks in the nursing home.” My dad made it a regular priority to visit friends and strangers in several nursing homes to encourage others and spend time with them. He once told me a lady had received Christ as a result of him sharing the gospel with her.

So here we are today and now my dad is living in one of the nursing homes he frequented over and over. My life is busy. Weeks are overwhelming. Life is full. Often it seems very difficult to break away and drive an hour to visit my dad. It is in those moments, those times that I think back to all my dad’s little “gifts” and how he had learned the secret in making  a difference in the life of another individual. A smile, an encouraging word, a little card that always lit up a face. How can I not go? How can I not make time for what I know was so vital to my dad? Is anything more important?

Examining my heart is hard, necessary and often uncomfortable. A warm smile greets me as I walk into my dad’s room. We read scripture, listen to hymns and usually I help him with his lunch or a special treat that he anticipates each time I come. I catch him up on family as best I can and show him recent pics on my phone.

Before I realize it, a few hours have slipped away and it is time to leave, yet it seemed so brief. The moments I am there are truly a joy for me as I try to uplift and extract as much conversation from him in my brief visit.  Always a man of many words, this too had changed.  Leaving is hard , but hearing him say,  “I love you,” is satisfying.  Walking out of my dad’s room, I pray he is encouraged, his spirits lifted. I look over for one last glance as he softly smiles at me and I remember, this is exactly what my father did for many people years ago!